'Timmy' from 'Lassie' authors tell all book

New autobiography written by child actor 'Timmy', no one cares about his real name, reveals all the behind the scenes dirt, drug abuse, and promiscuous sex he experienced as a child actor.

"Timmy was what they now refer to as a 'child star'. We didn't say that back in the 40s. We called them 'child laborer'," says Gary Milkem who directed several episodes of Lassie, "or we just called them 'Fuck Brains'."

In the book Timmy paints a very dark picture of his time spent in front of the camera and explains why he chose to leave Hollywood.

"I spent 7 years as a chew toy for that damn collie. Lassie was nothing more than a mean spirited, angry, over sexed version of John Mellencamp."

Drug use was very prevalent on the set as well. Timmy tells a story of the time he and Lassie spent a week in Vancouver hopped up on meth.

"Lassie just couldn't put the pipe down. It was meth, meth, meth, meth, and more meth with that dog. I've never seen a dog smoke that much ice. I've never seen any dog but Lassie do drugs."

The book isn't going unnoticed by the Special People Eradicating Ridicule, Masturbating, Hepatitis AND Slip'n slides better known as S.P.E.R.M.H.AND.S.

"We at S.P.E.R.M.H.AND.S think this book is a big stupid turd. If it were a camel and I was stuck in the middle of Egypt without any other form of transportation, I would ride the camel but I wouldn't punch it in the face like Conan did in Barbarian."