Pastor Loves Strippers

A New York pastor who has been missing since early last week was found outside an Ohio strip club this weekend.

The pastor was enjoying some drinks and titties when cops decided to run his plates and realize he had been reported missing.

When confronted by police outside the club he pulled the 'crazy old man' card by claiming he didn't know where he was or how he got there.

"I wanted to punch the fucker. I hate when people play that shit. We're not fucking idiots," the officer who found him said.

The strippers claim he was more than coherent inside the club, ordering drink after drink and using obsessive profanity.

"That dude totally loved titties," said dancer Candy Titties, better known by her stage name, 'Tasha.' "He kept screaming, 'I LOVE TITTIES!!!!!' And he kept thanking God for titties. That didn't make any sense. But I guess since he's a pastor it makes all sorts of sense. They have to thank God for things."

In his three hours spent inside the club, the pastor accumulated a tab with 24 shots and six lap dances. He also offered one of the strippers money to come back to his hotel with him and fuck him silly.

"It doesn't make any sense," the pastor's distraught wife said. "I show him my titties all the time. Sometimes I even let him touch them."

The pastor left his house early last week, claiming he was going to the local Best Buy to get some new porn. That was the last he was seen until the strip club incident.

His family was set to leave for a family vacation to Disney World the day after his trip to Best Buy. Friends and family allege this is the reason he took off.

"I didn't wanna fucking see Mickey and Minnie," the pastor said. "I wanted kitty and titties."

The pastor will return to work this Sunday with his sermon, "God Ain't Your Homeboy." Services begin at 11am with Sunday school starting at 9am.