Women Can't Drive

Police in Florida arrested a local woman and charged her with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after chasing her husband around their lawn with the family minivan.

The husband walked away unharmed as his wife failed to run him over after more than 20 attempts.

"Thank god she's a woman," the husband said. "No way a man misses me with so many opportunities. I mean, fuck. It was in our goddamn yard. It's not like I had a lot of escape room. So fucking lucky I married an incompetent moron."

To make matters worse for the stupid bitch, she was also charged with child abuse because the couple's six month old daughter was in the van with her at the time of the attack. Luckily the baby was buckled up and walked away unharmed.

"I was like, 'what the fuck is mommy doing?' I couldn't figure out what the fuck daddy did wrong to warrant getting run over by a fucking van," the confused child told police. "I mean, shit dude. It's not like she was trying to throw a dirty diaper at him. This bitch went flat out crazy."

The husband failed in his attempt to stop the van by throwing a brick at the windshield. Seriously? That's the best he could come up with? Trying to throw a brick into a vehicle with your wife and young baby usually isn't the brightest idea. That baby's gonna grow up super stupid.

Police said the dispute started after the husband refused to pay the $300 he still owed his wife from 'Blowjob Tuesday.'