Love and Fire Works

INT. FIRE WORKS STORE - DAY

JUDY and WILL are throwing unlit fire crackers at one another, laughing. Judy is running too fast and she knocks over a case of apple pies. MR. DOORSLAMMER bursts in from the back room and angrily shoots Judy with a 9mm pistol.





JUDY
(crying)
Hello Mr. Doorslammer. Thanks for shooting me.

MR. DOORSLAMMER
You're welcome.

Mr. Doorslammer starts jumping up and down on one leg.

WILL
Mr. Doorslammer please! It wasn't Judy's fault. It was mine.

JUDY
(crawling to the phone)
Oh Will! I'll die unless I get to that phone!

MR. DOORSLAMMER
Not so fast!

Mr. Doorslammer shoots Judy some more.

MR. DOORSLAMMER (cont)
It's your turn Will. I'm going to make you pay for what
you've done to me.

WILL
Please, I'm sure there's another way.

MR. DOORSLAMMER
Well, I guess you could help me get something heavy out of my
garage.

WILL
(pulls out a chainsaw)
The tables have turned haven't they!

MR. DOORSLAMMER
Fuck, that's a nice chainsaw.

WILL
(accidentally throws chainsaw into the lake)
I love you chainsaw!

MR. DOORSLAMMER
You're not so fucking tough without that chainsaw are you?

WILL
Maybe, maybe not. But just where do you think you're
going without this!

Will pulls a car engine out of his back pocket.

MR. DOORSLAMMER
You fool! That car engine will never join you! And the crank
shaft differential rod piston hammer spacer manifold block is
about to fall on your head!

WILL
I'm not falling for that old trick.

There is a loud explosion outside. Police rush in through the front door. CAPT. JOCKSTRAP starts to question the two.

CAPT. JOCKSTRAP
Who's this dead girl?

WILL
(crying)
That's my wife.

Will drops down to Judy's side. She's naked now.

WILL (CONT)
Who took all her cloths off?

CAPT. JOCKSTRAP
(sighs)
You weren't cut out for all this, were ya kid?
Get him out of here!