Queef and the City

INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT

There's a bunch of guys waiting to use the urinal in this dirty restroom. The place is a wreck. Someone needs to clean this shit hole.

TOOTH MAN and some other GANG MEMBERS are in the restroom selling drugs to little kids. KYLE is a nine year old boy and addicted to Queef. Queef is this new bad ass drug that really fucks you up.


TOOTH MAN
Kyle my boy. I knew you'd come begging for more of this Queef. You know's where the best Queef in town lives don't you?

Kyle
C'mon Tooth Man! If I don't get a little Queef in me I'll die!

TOOTH MAN
Hold on little man. First things first.

KYLE
Please Tooth Man. Anything but that. I'll pay double! I swear!

TOOTH MAN
No way doo doo lips!

KYLE
OK.

Kyle pulls a shower curtain out of his nose and starts singing the blues.

All of the guys who were waiting to use the urinal start break dancing to Kyle's singing. One guy was pretty good at doing the robot.

TOOTH MAN
That's enough!

Tooth Man pulls out an envelope and hands it to a gang member.

TOOTH MAN (Cont)
Take this to City Hall. I want the Mayor to see this.

Gang Member
(crying)
Can I take my clothes off?

KYLE
Queef! Queef! Queeeeeeefff!

TOOTH MAN
Get the kid his Queef and for you Mr. Can I Take My Clothes Off, the answer is I don't know. Can you take your clothes off? How about, May I take my clothes off?

Some girls walk into the room. One has a gun and another has some sort of chemical that she could throw on someone if shit gets out of hand. GOOF NUTS is one of the girls and she has the power to knock shit off walls.

Tooth Man knows this means war and he does a bunch of Queef. Too much Queef. He's so high and he freaks out.

Goof Nuts pulls out a police badge.

GOOF NUTS
You're all under arrest!

KYLE
(he's swimming in some pee)
I can't swim!

Goof Nuts hates crime and she decides it's time to bring the boys downtown for good. She starts throwing make up and bombs at everyone. Some of the bombs explode and half the city is killed.

When the smoke clears Goof Nuts walks slowly from the wreckage.

GOOF NUTS
Maybe crime pays and maybe the good guys are really the bad guys sometimes. It's so hard to tell these days. All I know is that crime and me just had some hot sex and I made it use a rubber!