lightsaber dildo handle

INT. PIGGLY WIGGLY GROCERY STORE. DAY

HORNEY GUY sits on a pile of frozen veggies waiting for the girl of his dreams. Some guy is in the corner reading magazines and he's also petting a small dog and you can tell the dog is into it because he has a boner and so does the dog.

HORNEY GUY

Dear Grandma, I'm talking to you in letter format. Do you like it? Love grandson.

MANAGER slowly walks up to Horney Guy. He doesn't want him to see what's hiding behind his back.

MANAGER

I have something for you.

HORNEY GUY

Thanks but I have enough giant inflatable blowup dolls that resemble Ronald Reagan.

the camera pulls back to reveal that manager was trying to hide something behind his back thats way too big to ever be hidden behind one persons back. ten peoples back maybe but the majority would have had to stand on the others shoulders as this object is taller than it is wide.

MANAGER

Well, I just thought it'd cheer you up. I heard about Lilly.

HORNEY GUY

Yeah, what'd you hear? That she was the love of my life? that she gave great head? that she could finish math problems without ever looking at the numbers? Well it's all a lie. Not all a lie that is. I mean, who could do math problems without looking at the numbers? Sure, someone could read you the numbers but you're not going to remember all them numbers. It's too many numbers.

MANAGER

Oh fuck yeah that's a lot of numbers. You ever seen them math problems that turn numbers into letter?

HORNEY GUY

No. Have you ever seen a dildo with a handle at one end that looks like a lightsaber? I bet there's a bunch of star wars freaks who'd buy some shit like that.

MANAGER

George would never stand for something like that. That's too dangerous anyway. Some lonely womens going to end up mixing up her dildo and lightsaber and cut her vagina in half.

HONEY GUY

Vaginas are already sort of cut in half. You know what I mean?

MANAGER

No they're not. Gross. That's such a disturbing way of thinking of pussy as being somehow chopped in half like a whole vagina somehow looks nothing like that untill it's been cut with a sharp object. Is that how you think of your ass? As being somehow chopped in half?

HORNEY GUY

Yes.



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