Fuck You Du Jour - Mar 4

Today's Fuck You Of The Day: People that wear stupid boots with shorts. So, your feet are fucking freezing, but your legs are convinced it's summer out? Stupid bitch. Not to mention, your shorts are always so short. What part of the brains says, "let's go outside in the shortest shorts possible and the stupidest boots we can find."? No part of a competent human beings brain. The world hopes your legs catch a cold and fucking die. Go fuck yourself!! Read more!

Commercially Successful: Sun Chips

What do you do when you're a snack company that's been around for over a decade, but yet still haven't embedded yourself in the pop culture main stream? Recently, Sun Chips, the delicious chip type snack, had to answer that dilemma.

Their conclusion? You remind people they have no clue what the fuck Sun Chips are, of course!

With their new ad campaign centered around the slogan "The Best Snack You've Never Had", or something like that, Sun Chips are reminding people that they've been around forever and you still don't give a shit about them.

The commercials involve some lady annoying people on the street into picking a few Sun Chips over free popcorn. Yet nobody on the popcorn's payroll is annoying people into picking it, so it seems a bit unfair. Plus, who the fuck doesn't know what popcorn is? Here, take this snack you've known about for your entire life, or this snack that you and the entire world have managed to ignore during it's entire existence.

It's the equivalent of the nerd sitting in the corner going up to the hottest girl in school who doesn't even know he exists and saying, "Hey, you hot piece of ass you, we've been in the same class since kindergarten. Now let's fuck."

That's not gonna work out very well.

Not to be a dick or an asshole to the environment, but maybe if Sun Chips were more concerned about the product inside their bag than the actual bag itself, maybe people would eat the shit. Seriously, Google or try to do any type of research on Sun Chips. All you'll find is information on the bag and how awesome the company is for the environment.

That's all fine and good, but the end result is just like the hot chick said to the naked tree hugging hippie: "It's cool you're into the environment and stuff, but that's not going in my mouth."

In short, Sun Chips have built their entire latest ad campaign around reminding people that they're the mildly attractive boy with good intentions that still can't get anybody to fuck him of the snack world.

Read more!

Prank Phone Call: Petting Zoo

This is a prank phone call Zane did over three years ago, and to this day, it's still one of his best. In this one, a truck driver is going to be late delivering a trailer full of animals to The Petting Zoo, which happens to be a stuffed animal store.

Sadly, this one never got animated. Yet, at least. Maybe if we're nice we can get Jimmy to do that for us. Even with no animation and just a random phone image, it has somehow managed to get nearly 5,000 views on YouTube. It's pretty fun. Read more!

Fuck You Du Jour - Mar 3

Today's Fuck You Of The Day: Twitter. You wanna make me update the app for my phone that I think works perfectly, only to have it not open now? You want me to try to open it 30+ times only to have it crash everytime before opening? Now what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't go back to preupdate. Who knows how long this will take you to fix? Go fuck yourself!! Read more!

Based On A True Story: Overnight

Setting: Dave's apartment.

Scene: A 19 year old Dave and his coworker Tom come back to the apartment after an evening of drinking to get ready for work.

TOM

Shit. What time is it?

DAVE

9:33.

TOM

Fuck. We have to be at work in a half hour.

DAVE

I know. I don't think I can do it.

TOM

Tell you what, let's take a quick power nap. Sleep for an hour or so and go in at 11. That way we get some sleep and we're only about an hour late.

DAVE

That sounds perfect. Great plan.

DAVE and TOM take to separate couches and begin to nap. An hour goes by and an alarm goes off. DAVE turns it off and sits up.

DAVE

(tiredly) Tom, wake up. We gotta go to work. It's almost 11 already.

TOM

(never sitting up) You go in now and I'll come in about 15 minutes after you. That way they won't know we were out drinking together. They won't get suspicious.

DAVE

Good point. You're full of good ideas tonight. I'll see you in a little bit.

DAVE leaves and goes into work. His coworkers are upset at him for being late. He approaches them.

COWORKER

(angrily) Hey, it's about time. Thanks for showing up.

A MANAGER walks in.

MANAGER

Well guys. Don't be too mad at Dave, just be glad he showed up. We're gonna be a bit shorthanded tonight. Tom just called. He's apparently pretty sick and won't be able to make it in tonight.

DAVE

(to himself) That motherfucker.

Cut to TOM sleeping comfortably on DAVE's couch.

Read more!

Shit Talkin' - Superheroes

This is a cartoon Jimmy and Dave used to do. It's called Shit Talkin'. This was the first episode. It's about superheroes. It was going to be weekly, but that fell off after three episodes or so.

We've been brainstorming ways to retool it and make it better in hopes of bringing it back for new episodes. Will we manage to do that? Who knows? We've never been super consistent. But we're trying. Read more!

Fuck You Du Jour - Mar 2

Today's Fuck You Of The Day: Angelina Ballerina. You wanna grow up to be a ballerina? Then stop the fucking whining and practice. Who cares that other kids in the school are hip hop dancing? It's a fucking dance school. Not everybody has to dance the same way you miserable cunt. Go fuck yourself!!
Read more!

Zane Did It

GONADSVILLE, N.J. — Guess what, it doesn't take some super human type person to beat Watson, the "Jeopardy"-winning computer.
U.S. Rep. Rush "For a TD Late in the Third" Holt of New Jersey — a five-time masterbater — topped the IBM computer Monday night in a "Jeopardy"-style match of 'guy who looks at his own asshole in the mirror' vs. machine held at a Washington hotel.



Though Holt isn't the first dude who pees with his eyes closed to beat Watson, the victory adds to the 62-year-old Democrat's already-impressive resume: a former State Department arms control expert and ex-leader of the rub your butt on your dogs butt association of dog and dudes butt rubbers association.

"I give most of the credit to my diaper. Without him holding all my shit tightly against my ass I never could have won," he told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday.

He built a lead in categories including "Who farts the loudest," in which the correct response to "Herbert and his Ma just ate cabbage" was "Hoover." The congressman also correctly identified hippophobia as the fear of long words no one gives a fuck about.

Watson beat him to the buzzer with "Not It" when someone in the audience ripped a juicy one. Holt was then offered to either eat it on a platter, plate or bun.

In the end Watson loses and we at the A.P. say good. Smart computers ain't doin' no body no good to no body. You think I want my toaster tellin me when or where it's a good time to take a bath? No sir says I.
Read more!

Fuck You Du Jour - Mar 1

Today's Fuck You Of The Day: February. 28 days? Seriously? You lazy fuck. Every other month has 30 or 31 days, what the fuck makes you so special? And leap year? We're glad you're gone. Go fuck yourself! Read more!

Tom Selleck Says: Episode One

This is a video called Tom Selleck Says. It was written by Dave, animated by Jimmy and voiced by the guys of Reverse Cowboy. There are some major audio issues, a typo in the title screen, and is overall sloppily edited. But Tom Selleck Says was an idea for years before this got put together, so it holds a soft spot in our hearts despite essentially being the equivalent to a "demo."

Don't tell Jimmy, but we may try to get him to redo this completely in full animation and with brand new audio. We'd also like to make it a recurring series, which was the plan all along. Read more!

Based On A True Story: Little Caesar's Pizza

Setting: Inside a Little Caesar's Pizza place.

Scene: 18 year old Zane and David are taking a dinner break after a long day moving David into his first apartment.

DAVID

Man, I'm starving. Moving takes everything out of me.

ZANE

(only half paying attention to DAVID) Hey, see that cashier? You think that's a boy or a girl? (he points to the CASHIER behind the counter)

DAVID

I don't know. Could go either way. Try looking at the nametag.

ZANE

I tried that. Not wearing one. I really can't tell if it's a boy or a girl.

DAVID

Who cares? Our pizza will be done in a second and we'll be outta here. Then you won't have to worry about it.

The phone rings, the CASHIER answers the phone.

CASHIER

(answering the phone) Thanks for calling Little Caesar's, this is Rachel, how may I help you.

DAVID

There you go, Rachel. It's a girl.

ZANE

Cool.

DAVID

Good. Glad that's settled. We can get back on with our lives now.

ZANE

I'll be right back. (he gets up and starts heading to the counter)

DAVID
What? Where are you going?

ZANE

I'm gonna go hit on the cashier.

Read more!