I was forced to wipe my butt with cabbage once. It wasn't that bad. The wiping with cabbage that is. The circumstance leading up to me having to wipe with cabbage haunts me to this day. Twenty five years later and I still can't walk past the cabbage isle in a supper market without clinching my butt cheeks. It all happened when I was 8 years old at summer camp...
Who the fuck went to summer camp? I've been watching movies my whole life about kids getting sent off to some camp where something crazy usually ends up happening. Where are these camps because I want to send my son to one. If I've learned anything by watching these movies it's that my son will come home having learned a valuable life lesson. He's definitely going to have his first kiss, be bullied by the older kids, and possible get murdered. All necessary steps towards adulthood.
I'm an adult. I have a job, pay taxes, and have hair on my private parts. All these things make me an adult. I'm glad simply having hair in your underwear doesn't make you an adult. I don't want to live in a society that forces you to pull down your pants just to buy a beer. Not because I don't like showing off my pubic hair but because it's such an inconvenience. I live in a cold weather environment and go to great lengths not to have to pull my pants down.
Can pubic lice survive in a cold weather environment? I haven't had pubic lice since I was seventeen or so but every time I caught the bastards I remember it was summer. It's a good chance that I slept with more whores during the summer months though.
I miss summer. There isn't anything I can't do now that because it's not summer though. I don't go swimming because I don't like taking my shirt off in public. And not just because I've put on a few pounds. When I was 22 or so, I got this big stupid tattoo on my back. It's this great big, solid black stupid looking cross and it looks fucking dumb as shit. I have no idea why I paid $300 for this piece of shit looking tattoo but I did and I'm stuck with it forever. I'm so ashamed of it I can never show my naked back in public again. Thanks to my drunken 22 year old self. Maybe if my father would have sent me to summer camp when I was younger I would have learned not to do shit like that.
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