I'm a very easily irritated person and I don't handle even the simplest of "situations" well. My visit to the post office yesterday not only had me in a situation but also surrounded me with irritating people. This is the story of my nightmare trip to the post office that ends with me almost getting tazered.
Mr. Korea is the name I've given every Korean guy in Korea. He's about 5'7, weighs about 145 lbs, has black hair, and only understands about 1/3 of what I say even though they'll pretend to understand everything. They do this by either nodding and saying "yeah, yeah" as in; Me: "I just stepped in dog shit and want to wipe it on your face." Mr. Korea:"yeah, yeah". So Mr. Korea is working the claims counter and I approach with my damaged package. I place the package on the counter and say that I'd like to file a claim. Mr. Korea looks at this wet, crushed, and barely held together box and asks what's the problem. "Are you serious?" I ask. Blank stare from Mr. Korea. "It's obviously damaged" I say. He spins the box around and one side of the box falls off. "Oh, it's wet." he deduces. He finally has me come around the back of the counter to fill out the paperwork. This was a huge mistake on my part. I should never put myself into any situation where I'm trapped behind a locked door with a bunch of people who could easily become my enemy very quickly.
After 45 minutes of filling out paperwork Mr. Korea then, never before this, but then tells me that he's keeping the package! I'm only claiming about half of the contents as damaged yet he's telling me they have to keep the entire package. Had Mr. Buttfuck told me that they were going to keep the package then I might not have spent the 45 minutes in the post office filing a $35 claim for a bunch of wet LEGO boxes! So I tell Mr. Korea "No way, I'm taking this package." This is met with like a little Korean chuckle that suggested he either didn't understand me or he thought I was joking or I don't fucking know. I said to him again "I'm not leaving this package here." My reasoning was that if I leave this box here then it's going to sit and collect dust for about 4 months while all the Mr. Korea's figure out who's head to shove up who's asshole and I didn't want any part of it. So after about three times of me telling him I'm taking the box and him just laughing I decide to leave, with the package.
Mr. Korea see's me get my box and start to walk down the hall and he starts yelling "Stop! Where are you going!" like I'm fucking stealing something. Lots of shit was going though my mind at this point. Did this guy really think that I was joking? Was there some weird law that says, once you start to file a post office claim then that package now because government property? Was I stealing government property right now? I decided in about 2 seconds "no fucking way" and kept walking out with Mr. Korea still yelling. Now I'm attracting a crowd. They must think I'm actually stealing something so I stop (full blown annoyed by this point) and let the small crowd of people who have formed around me know that I was taking my package. I explain that this was MY box and I was taking it. At this point I still thought that they thought that it was now there package. No one is attempting to explain anything and now I just find myself ranting to a bunch of postal workers about how this was my box and they're the one's who ruined it and that's it's still my property and if I want to take it I will. Mr. Korea is still standing there shaking his head and saying "No" every now and again. Finally someone goes and get's the "Post Master".
First off, fuck any job with the word master in it unless you're goddamn He-Man. So this piece of shit crawls out from his office and immediately tells me to "calm down". I fucking hate it when someone tells me to "calm down" because at this point I knew I was annoyed but thought I was doing a pretty good job of staying under control. Once someone tells you to calm down you know that you've at least appeared to be crazy in front of a bunch of people. Being told to calm down is like a switch that gets hit that makes me decide "Fuck it, apparently I've already been acting nuts so let's go all the way motherfuckers." So this guy keeps telling me to calm down and I'm ranting about how I'm going to take my package. Everyone had to be wondering what was in this fucking package that was so important. I was clutching this box with white knuckles thinking that I was going to have to fight my way out of this post office when the "Post Master" tells me that if I want to take the package then I'd have to file a claim online! That's it! All of this bullshit and just now someone wants to tell me about a second option. Holy mother of shit! Clearly I would have taken this option HAD I KNOWN IT EXISTED YOU STUPID FUCKERS! My mind is fried at this point.
I let them all know what I thought of them, their customer service, and how I felt like they have wasted almost an hour of my time. I must have said something specifically about Mr. Korea because the "master" said he wouldn't stand there and listen to me talk about his employees like that. He then said that he didn't want to "embarrass" me in front of all these people but...I didn't let him finish. "Embarrass me?! You're the one who should be embarrassed! You've got a bunch of employee's like this guy (Mr. Korea) who can't do their job! So don't worry about embarrassing me!" This is when I noticed one of the postal workers HAS A TAZER! This must have been an elaborate trap to get me behind the counter, get me all worked up, and try out their new toy. Fuck that. As soon as I saw Mr. Tazer with his hand ready for action I decide to leave. I turn and continue down the hall with the locked door at the end. I get to the locked door and like a complete fucking idiot fumble with the lock, while the crowd watches. They weren't chasing me or even walking towards me just watching my big stupid ass fumble with the lock like a total jackass. After about an hour (30 seconds) I have to ask for help opening the door. Oh boy...
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