Didn't Even Get a Hand-Job Offer

I had just finished stuffing my fucking face with an exorbitant amount of Korea's finest fried chicken when my son decided he wanted to try his luck at the "over and up poke'em game" across the way. These piece of shit money traps are on every street corner and outside of every convenient store in this tiny country. They're better than those claw grabbing horse shits where you couldn't pick up a feather wrapped in double sided tape with magnets all over the fucker even if it was tied to the end of the claw. Some little prick would pop his head around the corner and shake the machine and the feather would drop like a heavy handed bowler scooping up mash potatoes at an all-you-can-eat dick sucking party.

Ahem.

So my son's playing this game at a dollar a play. It's going to cost him about five bucks to make the ding-dong light-up flower he's aiming for fall and I don't give a shit. He'll owe me the money and pay up by the end of the week. If not I throw his favorite toys out the window. So, I just keep shoveling dollars at the little bastard while I try and finish a cigarette. After about the third dollar I notice this fat dirty looking Korean guy sitting on a bench behind us. Nothing out of the ordinary. He didn't seem like the normal rabble that hung around though. He seemed a little less dirty and not quite old enough to be at that rock-bottom beg-for-your-beer stage in life but what the fuck do I know. I barely looked at the guy. Until he stands up and gets right behind my son. So I give the guy a look. Just a quick "let's make sure you're not a dangerous dirt-bag" look. The guy gives me the quick head-nod as if he was passing me some secret fucking code that only him and I would understand. Unfortunately I didn't and looked away real fast. I realized that he might have just passed me the "I'm homeless and will jack you off for a couple of bucks" nod. Man-o-man, I sure can pick'em. The one homeless guy that wants to jack me off and he's fat.

Well, I didn't really want to be jacked off anyway, I had jacked off earlier in the day. I watch my son lose another one of my dollars, hand him another, and just to be sure I glace over my shoulder again. Big fat smelly dirty rotten tooth guy is still there and he gives me the same quick head-nod signal! I'm thinking, how do I say in Korean "sorry, but you can't twist my crank shaft because I have a stomach full of fried chicken. And another thing, my son's playing this game." I just about gave him the universal sign for "no playing with my dick-O" when he started speaking some piss poor broken English. I get the gist of it though. He just wants money. I give the guy five bucks, didn't get jacked-off, didn't even get offered to get jacked-off.

Would it hurt these begging bastards to at least offer to put their hands on the private parts of the beggees? What's the world coming to? I think they should show those starving children in Africa making the universal "I'll jack you off for food" sign into the camera. I bet they get more donations. I'd donate more just because I'd love seeing the commercial. A bunch of blister bellied orphans with flies walking right across their fucking eyeballs pointing into the camera, then pointing to themselves, then making the "jack-off" hand signal. I'm not saying it's funny that they're hungry. Fuck that shit. Hungry isn't funny. Before I crammed six days worth of fried chicken meat in my mouth I was a grumpy shit bag. Now I'm doing okay.

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