Everyone loves looking at pictures of horses and I'd be one of those goddamn sonsofbitches if I said any different. They're absolutely beautiful. Every time I see a well framed picture of a horse I start acting strange. The hair on the back of my hands stand up and my knees get weak. My butt muscles start to spasm and my crotch sweats. I start talking in tongues and I'm liable to break my legs off. If there are any Spanish speaking teens nearby then they'll get an old Christmas card handed to them. I rip all my clothing off except for my shirt. My boners start to smell. I'll put a condom on the first dog that looks like they could take it and no amount of Girl Scout cookies will stop me. My Mr. Rodgers impressions get much much better. I won't be able to remember the names of my eldest cousins. Bricks and feathers will seem to weigh and taste the same. There are some other things but they're a little silly.
No amount of money could keep me away from my pictures of horses. I bet a rich guy once that he couldn't get me to think about another picture of a horse once I started looking and one picture of a horse. Of course I won even though he didn't take the bet. I told him he didn't take the bet because he knew he'd lose. He said he didn't take the bet because my handshakes were a little too rough for his liking. Fuck him. He ended up taking a bet from another guy. Read more!
