Zane Did It

GONADSVILLE, N.J. — Guess what, it doesn't take some super human type person to beat Watson, the "Jeopardy"-winning computer.
U.S. Rep. Rush "For a TD Late in the Third" Holt of New Jersey — a five-time masterbater — topped the IBM computer Monday night in a "Jeopardy"-style match of 'guy who looks at his own asshole in the mirror' vs. machine held at a Washington hotel.



Though Holt isn't the first dude who pees with his eyes closed to beat Watson, the victory adds to the 62-year-old Democrat's already-impressive resume: a former State Department arms control expert and ex-leader of the rub your butt on your dogs butt association of dog and dudes butt rubbers association.

"I give most of the credit to my diaper. Without him holding all my shit tightly against my ass I never could have won," he told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday.

He built a lead in categories including "Who farts the loudest," in which the correct response to "Herbert and his Ma just ate cabbage" was "Hoover." The congressman also correctly identified hippophobia as the fear of long words no one gives a fuck about.

Watson beat him to the buzzer with "Not It" when someone in the audience ripped a juicy one. Holt was then offered to either eat it on a platter, plate or bun.

In the end Watson loses and we at the A.P. say good. Smart computers ain't doin' no body no good to no body. You think I want my toaster tellin me when or where it's a good time to take a bath? No sir says I.