The Apocalypse Is Taking Too Long

Members of a Russian cult who confined themselves to a cave to save themselves from the apocalypse have come out of the cave after growing tired of waiting for the end of the world.

The christian cult made a home in the cave in November of 1999, just in time for Y2K. Being christians, they knew that God does not enjoy caves, so hiding in one would keep them safe from his rapture.

Local authorities originally tried to persuade the group to leave the cave for safety reasons, but then forgot about them after a few months.

The cult consisted of 47 members orginally, including 11 children less than two years old. Thirty-four members made the trek out of the cave back into the real world, claiming the other 13 weren't ready to leave yet. When in reality, it's obvious that they ate them.

The cult's leader, who happens to have a nice 'apartment' in the local psychiatric hospital is glad to hear his followers are safe.

"What? They were still down there?" the cookoo said. "Fuck, I'd completely forgot about them. Man did I have my math wrong on that one."

The second coming of the Lord and imminent end of the world has been rescheduled for June, 23 2011.