I fucked up the rice krispy treats for my sons Christmas party today. I fucked them up something awful. They look like shit and they're so goddamn messy the kids are going to have to wear full body napkins in order to keeps themselves clean.
I used way to much of that marshmallow fluff shit first off. I also only half-assed read any recipe on these things because I just knew they're the easiest fucking things to make in the world. No one could fuck this up. Marshmallow, butter, cereal, mixed together, done. Yep, got it. After making them, don't got it. I also went with Coco Pebbles on one batch and Reese's Peanut Butter Crunch Balls on the other instead of plain old Rice Krispies because I figured one of the other "Moms" would be making them the regular way and I wanted ours to stand out. I wanted all the kids to fight over our treats. I was really hoping for a blood-bath as soon as the treats were revealed. All the kids would line up at the snack table eagerly awaiting some treats. They would pass some stupid ass sugar cookies, some brownies, some other shit and then BAM-O! Mother fucking Coco Pebble Marshmallow Treats with M&Ms on top! FUCK YEAH! Some of the kids near the back of the line would hear some rumor about these magical treats and begin to fear they'd be all gone by the time they got up there. They'd be stuck with Christmas tree shaped sugar cookies for fucks sake! One of the braver kids, we'll call him Jake, rallies the troops and organizes a raid on the front of the lines. He has a sack full of weapons for some reason and arms all the other kids with pointed sticks, a bent pipe (my gang weapon of choice), a chain, and Jake has a knife. Jake screams "Charge!" and they storm the front lines killing everyone in their path letting nothing stop them on their way to these delicious sounding cereal bars. Kids die painful deaths.
It's sad as fuck but that's what I wanted. That's what I was hoping for anyway. Nope. Not now because I can't make the fucking things right.
On a side note, while I was attempting to upload the picture of those terrible mostrosities I'm calling "treats", Blogger wouldn't upload the picture for some fucking reason. It just stayed frozed on "uploading". I had to cuss at Blogger in order to get the mother fucker to work right. I called Blogger a "stupid cunt" and said shit like "What the fuck is your problem you stupid piece of shit. Take the goddman picture already." then I think I said "This is hopeless".
And here is the rest of it.
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