Douche Cop Can't Take Ass Smack

A Denver area Douche of a cop has pissed off other less douchey cops after his doucheness has gotten a fellow officer suspended for 45 days.

The douche cop filed a complaint after a coworker innocently smacked him on the ass as he bent over to grab keys off of his desk.

"If you're going to stick it out, I'm going to hit it," the suspended cop stated. "It's like a dude rule. It's not like I pulled my dick out, pulled his pants down and then penetrated his ass until I shamed him by ejaculating inside him in front of all our coworkers. If that was the case, I'd understand the suspension."

The incident happened in August, and the higher powers knew it was a douchey complaint, so they had hoped it would go away. But it didn't, and they eventually had to do something just to shut the douche up.

"It's gross overkill. It's like executing somebody for blowing their nose and not washing their hands," said one of the people on the punishment committee. "It's not like he pulled his pants down, got down on his knees and proceeded to lick his asshole until he shamed him by causing him to ejaculate from anal stimulation in front of all of their coworkers. If that was the case, I'd understand the suspension."

The ass smack is a common bonding method among men. Many fear that the incident this douche has spawned will put a hamper on ass smacking across the country.

"It's human nature. Dude's smack other dude's asses," says ass smack historian Harry Hardy. "Now, dudes all over are going to be concerned that smacking another dude's ass will result in some sort of punishment, and that shouldn't be the case."

The timing of this story couldn't come at a worse time, with National Smack Another Dude On The Ass Day coming up on April 3.