Idiot Kills Wife

Some dumbass in Missouri killed his beloved wife while attempting to install a satellite television system for his family.

The dipshit put a shot from a .22 caliber handgun into his wife's chest after firing two shots inside the house in a brilliant attempt to put a hole in the wall.

After using many other various tools trying to poke a needed hole in his wall, the stupid motherfucker did what most logical people would do next.

"I needed a hole in the wall. Nothing else was working," the moron said. "I had no other ideas. Then I look over, and there's my gun. It was looking at me, and I could hear it saying, 'give me a chance. I'll get the job done.' Who am I not to give him a chance, ya know?"

Local law enforcement officials are currently investigating the incident to determine whether or not the fuckwad will face manslaughter charges.

"We've been sending officers over there nightly to interview him and retrieve a statement," the local sheriff said. "But they keep getting distracted by his more than 500 channels of digital quality picture."

The douche is sorry for his loss, but realizes accidents happen and that life needs to continue.

"Yeah, it sucks," the turd said. "But it worked, and now I'm able to mourn with the assistance of their highest quality package at a lower package's price for the first three months. This is how she would have wanted it."