Two Friends Talking About Day-Time Television and Double Sided Dildos w/Jimmy and Zane

Zane
Some smart-ass tried to rope me into that whole "who came first, the children or the egg" bullshit yesterday. I was all like "don't go their girlfriend" and then I put my hand on my hip and put my other hand right in his fucking face. It was probably the coolest thing I've ever done in my life.

Jimmy
Wow I bet you looked pretty tough. The toughest thing I ever did was when I was finally able to pin my grandma in wrestling. Who's the pussy now, grandma?!

Zane
Thanks, I did look tough as nails. I don't want to call you an all-out liar but I've seen your grandma, naked, and there's no way you pinned her. Not her when she's sober anyways.

Jimmy
True, she is a tough old gal when she's full of whiskey, but I'm an even tougher old gal when I'm full of gummi bears.

Zane
I never considered you being all hopped up on gummi bears, so I suppose you could be telling the truth. Sorry for doubting you. It's just that I've seen your grandma, butt ass nude, take down some pretty mean characters without ever breaking a sweat.

Jimmy (answering a completely separate message)
Just don't post any of my funny 'jokes" about picking up a hitchhiker and chopping him up. Behind every joke is a kernel of truth.

Zane
Just so I'm clear, you want me to take funny pictures of you chopping up a hitchhiker and put that on facebook. Got it.

Jimmy
Yes. Wait...no. Aw fuck! Looks like it's back to prison for me.

Zane
I'm afraid so. Too bad too. I always liked you, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to love watching you rot in a Mexican prison for the rest of your miserable life you piece of shit mother fucker! Whoa! Hold on a second there! I'm sorry about that. I got to thinking about something else and lost control of what I was typing. You're not going to prison for something as trivial as chopping up a hitchhiker.

Jimmy
Oh thank God. I hate getting raped by guys I'm not that attracted to. And it's hard for me to tell them I just like them as friends.

Zane
They just did a thing about that on that show the Dr's.

Jimmy
I don't pay attention to daytime tv since Sally Jesse Raphael isn't on. No SJR...no thank you!

Zane
I was always partial to the "Silver Fox" aka Phil Donahue. That man knew how to work a crowd. He knew how to work a double sided dildo too if I'm not mistaken.