Zane
Hmmm...you can't afford your gazebo medication anymore? I didn't even know your gazebo was sick. This won't do at all.
Jimmy
If I were a homeless, I'd find a nice gazebo to sleep in. Cause even though I was homeless, it would make me feel kinda fancy.
Zane
You've obviously never been homeless. They don't let homeless people sleep in gazebos. The only options are 1) cardboard box 2) park bench using newspaper as a blanket and 3) gazebo.
Jimmy
Am ashamed to admit it but it's true, I've never been homeless. Please don't tell my wife.
Zane
I promised you on your wedding day that I'd never tell your wife that you've never been homeless and that promise stands to this day. I also promised you I'd never break into your doctor office and scribble curse words all over your medical records in crayon. That promise, I'm ashamed to admit, I broke about twenty years ago.
Jimmy
Well sometimes promises get broken. Know what else gets broken? My legs when I don't pay my gambling debts. But it's the only way I'll learn responsibility.
Zane
You're lucky. My bookie usually just bashes my head in with a brick then grinds my cock up in a food processor before shooting me in the stomach with a 12 gauge shot gun.
Jimmy
One time a guy told me "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Thought I think the truth was just that he was a lousy murderer.
Zane
He must have been. I had this wanna-be murderer tell me once that it was impossible to kill people. I was all like, "Yeah right buddy. You just don't know how to do and you're afraid to ask." He then goes on to explain that his parents told him that people were impossible to kill. That's when I said "Listen pal, your parents are pieces of shit and don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. If you want to kill people just do it the old fashioned way and travel into the future and get the secret plans for traveling into the past, then go into the past and get a baby dinosaur and hide that dino under the persons bed. When the dino grows up, it'll eat the person. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am."
Jimmy
They just need to put forth a little effort. That's what's wrong with murderers. Laziness.
Zane
And it's not like the "time travel and put dinosaurs under bed" way of murdering take a lot of effort either. Sure you have to commit to a strict diet and run 10 miles a day for a year before your able to time travel. And of course a few weeks after you get back you wont be able to control your emotions and you'll cry and cry for no apparent reason. You'll also develop annoying habits such as standing in front of a deli counter licking your lips and saying "Ohhhh fuck yeah" as the person slices meat.
Jimmy
Sometimes when I'm at the deli I like to imagine what the deli guy thinks about when he's slicing the meat. I mean, he does it so much, he probably isn't thinking about it cause it's like he's on autopilot. So he probably thinks about other stuff. He's probably thinking, "If that goddamn wife of mine doesn't have my Santa Clause suit washed and pressed by the time I get home, I'm gonna smell like a goddamn whine-o when I go to my night job as a mall Santa." But I suppose he could be thinking other stuff also.
Zane
Nope, that's it. What you just said is the only thing a deli worker who is slicing meat who is not thinking about slicing meat could be thinking. I read that in a deli pamphlet once.
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