Jimmy
I love pamphlets. Not quite a book, not quite a magazine, yet full of useful and valuable information. Let's have a toast to pamphlets.
Zane
Huzzah for pamphlets! How have we known each other this long and not shared our adoration for pamphlets? This calls for a celebration! I'll start decorating the tri-fold birch tree and you bake an informational pie. Should we exchange gifts before or after the ceremonial lighting of the four-sided wire twirly pamphlet holder thingie?
Jimmy
In my family it was always the tradition to light the thingie first, then exchange gifts, then sacrifice the virgin.
Zane
Whoa! Sacrifice the virgin!? I don't remember that being part of the festivities. Maybe smack her around a little bit, poke her in the eye, and pull her hair super hard, but sacrifice? I don't think I can get on board with that. Unless there's cake afterwards. Then alright.
Jimmy
Well, there's cupcakes. They're basically tiny cakes in a cup. But don't for a second think that you can drink them just because they are in cups. That's what they want you to think.
Zane
What sort of sick bastard to you figure invented cupcakes anyway? "Hello, I'm a big stupid idiot and I cannot control how much cake I eat so instead of making a regular sized cake I'm going to make a bunch of small cakes and put them in cups and hope my grandchildren try and drink them and choke to death." What a jerk.
Jimmy
It was probably some fucking foreigner. And since you're in Korea, when I say foreigner, I mean American. (It was me.)
Zane
Hmmm...I'm trying to understand your logic on who is and who isn't a foreigner. You're calling yourself a foreigner because you're speaking to me while I live in foreign country and I'm a foreigner to you simply because I live in Korea even thought I'm still an American citizen which means your the one who invented cupcakes? Yep, that checks out.
Jimmy
Hell I dunno. I don't read what I type, I just bang away at the keyboard. To be honest , I don't even know what cupcakes are. Sounds like mumbo jumbo to me.
Zane
Whoo-weee, that's a relief. I was trying to sound smart because I don't know what the fuck cupcakes are either. What about platecakes? Ever had one of those?
Jimmy
No. Well kind of. I'm know to occasionally eat plates with icing on them. Had to make a lot of trips to the ER as a result, but I have no interest in changing my ways because some quack doctor says I should.
Zane
Normally I wouldn't, but in this case I'm going to have to agree with your doctor. Plates with icing on them, or platecakes, are nothing but bad news. If your dead set on eating something dangerous try snacking on a few frozen hot dogs. They'll brake your teeth just the same and if you get tired of that you can shove a couple up your butt.
Jimmy
My only concern is that once shoved up my ass, they'd no longer stay frozen.
Zane
Pardon my French but, duh no shit. It's a science fact that nothing can stay frozen once crammed up and into the ass place cavity. Oh, they've tried. Lord knows they tried. Ice cream, frozen pizza, glaciers, but nothing could withstand the immense heat that is the inside of a butt.
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