When I was six years old my father told me that we only eat turkey on Thanksgiving because turkeys are poisonous any other time of the year. He said it had something to do with the first frost of the year and how the cold weather killed this deadly bacteria that lived in turkey blood and how if you ate a turkey before this bacteria was dead you'd shit your insides out and die on the toilet. Of course now I know this is total bullshit and that my dad's an asshole for telling that. Turkeys are safe to eat year round and actually do taste better if killed and eaten in late summer.
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. It's unrealistic to ask God to not kill anyone this Thanksgiving but I know he will.
Koreans don't celebrate Thanksgiving and I bet they were secretly rooting for the Indians all those years ago.
Buying the biggest turkey in the store, for me, is a huge thrill. I love walking up to the counter with a massive, steroid injected, freak of a bird, throwing it on the belt driven counter breaking it, having security called on me because I'm now screaming "You ruined my bird!", getting thrown in prison, meeting a nice Muslim man who teaches me all about his crazy religion, getting released on good behavior, and then going home and eating some of that juicy bird.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Love,
Zane
And here is the rest of it.
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