The Fish Tank Story

This is a true story. Only some of the names have been changed because I couldn't remember them. This happened almost 20 years ago.

“Zane, I've been teaching for over thirty years and I’ve never came across anything like this,” Mr. Moudy the school principle said as he glared at me from across his desk. Sitting on his desk was a thin glass test tube covered in a fine white powder. “I thought this sort of shit only happens in the movies.” But this wasn’t a movie. It was the abrupt end to my junior year of high school.

The second half of the school year had just begun which meant new classes. I, for God knows what reason, was placed in Mr. Hardirode’s third period Chemistry class. This combination of an impish youth prone to shenanigans and a classroom full of dangerous chemicals was a receipt for disaster and I did my best to oblige.  

        On day one Mr. Hardirode introduced us all to the awesome power of sulfuric acid. By adding just a few ounces of this magic water to ordinary sugar you get a most unexpected surprise. The sugar begins to darken as the acid works its way through the sugar, eating it alive. Smoke begins to billow from the top and the sugar actually turns black then expands upward like a mad snake demon who has just been released from hell!  This was exciting stuff. I hadn’t been this excited at school since the time I “accidentally” walked into the girl’s locker room. I knew I had to get my hands on some of that chemical.

        “What for?” you may be asking yourself. This is a great question and one asked of me several times throughout the investigation and one I still do not have an answer to. I just knew I wanted some. It was powerful stuff and I wanted that power. I was like Lex Luther meeting Superman for the first time. Maybe somewhere buried deep inside my twisted adolescent mind there was an actual scientist, locked tight in a dungeon, screaming for me to learn about science. All I know is that after Mr. Hardirode finished with the experiment and was putting the chemical away, all under the watchful eye of Zane Hughes, he forgot to lock the cabinet and I saw that as a sign. “You were meant to have that stuff Zane. Go get it,” my tiny misunderstood scientist told me. And that’s what I did.

        We were given study time after the demonstration was complete so while the rest of the class was chatting amongst themselves and Mr. Hardirode graded papers, I slipped undetected to the back of the classroom where the unlocked cabinet filled with magic bottles was located. I choose a small glass test tube as my container to hold the sulfuric acid.

        The bell rang and I was out the door faster than you can say “chemical burn”. I headed straight for my locker to deposit the dangerous goods and get on with the rest of my day.

        I reached my locker safe enough and haphazardly dug into my pocket for my test tube of sulfuric acid. I reached for this about as carefully as a two year old digs through a pile of toys attempting to reach their favorite one located at the bottom. When I pulled the contents out of my pocket I notice the rubber stopper on top had started to melt. Holy Boloney! It hit me right then what an idiot I was and how dangerously close I was to having this shit spilled down my leg; I couldn’t keep this. I needed to get rid of it pronto! The school library was right down the hall. I’d have plenty of time to walk in, empty the contents into the fish tank, and then calmly walk on to my next class, I thought to myself. So that’s exactly what I did.

Little did I know, when sulfuric acid and water combine, a violent chemical reaction takes place. My inner scientist is slapping his forehead and shaking his head in disgust. Not only did the water start to boil, one of the fish actually leapt out of the tank! It was the equivalent of setting a house full of cats on fire and watching one them jump out of the window! It was horrible and I wasn’t the only one witnessing this either. The school librarian, Ms. Burt saw the whole thing. As soon as I realized what a scene I had created I bolted for the door depositing piece of critical evidence in the wastebasket; the now empty test tube. Instead to continuing on with the rest of the day I simply walked home. I’d deal with the consequence tomorrow.

        The next morning Mr. Moudy with the vice principle, Mr. Hardirode, Ms. Burt and even Mr. Stanley who was head of the science department were all waiting for me. I pretended like they weren’t standing there for me, even though it was obvious that they were as I tried to walk past.

“I don’t think so Zane,” said Mr. Moudy the Vice Principle. “Go to my office.”  I gave him my best “Okay, but I have no idea what for” look as I walked toward his office. They had me red handed. It was a slam dunk for the prosecution. Sitting on Mr. Moudy’s desk was the empty test tube and it was covered in a fine white powder. They had the thing fingerprinted! That’s when I noticed another member of the prosecution, Officer Mike Raber of the Peru Police Department.

        “Zane, you have two choices,” Officer Raber said. “You can tell us exactly what you did or I’m taking you to the station.” Even in my delusional teenage mind I knew they had me. I told them I didn’t take the stuff with the intention of putting it in the fish tank, I just didn’t know what else to do with it. Ms. Burt, whose fish I had murdered and fish tank I had ruined, began to cry. I felt terrible.

That’s when I was told that I was going to be suspended indefinitely until my hearing in front of the school board. They can’t just kick you out of school for the rest of the school year without some form of due process.

        It didn’t take the school board long to unanimously agree that it was in the best interest of all parties if I sat out the rest of the school year. Mr. Stanley, the head of the science department was a voting member on the school board. I didn’t stand a chance.