CDC issues warning to old people

WASHINGTON - The U.S. Center for Disease Control recently released the findings of their 2006 report on old people falling down. It states that one in six Americans over the age of 65 have a 80% chance of seriously injuring themselves when they fall down the stairs.

This outraged many senior citizens who feel this is just a ploy by the CDC to ultimately limit seniors privileges.

Eighty year old Wilma Rogers had this to say, "First they say we fall down too much and next they'll be saying I can't drive! I hate the CDC!"

The CDC was not immediately available for a response but did send this memo later in the week.

"We at the CDC think old folk are crazy and they fall down too much. In an effort to reduce the cost associated with treating old broken bones we are suggesting that once an individual reaches the age of 65 they can't walk anymore. Wheelchairs will also be unacceptable means of moving about. Anyone over the age of 65 will need to just lay down and roll to where ever it is they think they need to be."

This did nothing but piss the fuck out of some oldies.



"If they think I'm about to start rolling around in dog shit, they're out of their minds! I can't remember how to roll anyway."

Others had this to say.

"I'm so fucking old, I can't roll. I'm scared to roll."



The American Health Center estimates that it cost 2.9 zillion dollars annually to glue old people bones together.