How do idiots avoid drug tests?

PASCO, Wash. - They have a friend shoot them of course. At least that's what Richard Dodangle, 38, did last week.



With a face like this, I'd want to be shot too.

Mr. Dodangle had been working his job for only 4 months when they popped the piss test on him.

"I loved my job and I knew I hadn't a chance of passing that test. There's more meth floating around in me then breasts on a Dolly Parton dog impersonator."

When confronted with a difficult situation such as this, some people might call in sick, say someone in their family passed, or maybe that they glued their ass checks to a penguin and the penguin took off on some god damn march and it's dragging you along and there's nothing you can do about it and you'll be back in six months. Some people might, but those some people would not be Dick Dodangle.

"Just the thought of failing that drug test and having to face my friends and co-workers was unbearable. The embarrassment would kill me. That's why my best friend and I put on some women's cloths and sucked some cock for a bunch of meth."

This was when the idea smacked him in the ass like a dirty red head feeding a reindeer.

"I thought that if I was mugged and shot while jogging then that would keep me out of work for a few weeks and I'd just stop doing drugs and go back to work clean and pass the shit out of a piss test."

So Mr. Dodangle went to the park and started jogging. He jogged and jogged but no gun totting muggers in sight. He actually got in great shape, qualified for the Olympics, and received several lucrative shoe endorsement deals.

"I just couldn't get mugged and shot so I just asked my pal to do it. He did it too."

The two were arrested immediately afterwards.

Mr. Dodangle is currently spending time in county jail for conspiracy to discharge a firearm into someone other than a murderer. His pal is also behind bars for the unrelated charge of aggravated masturbation.